His Heart's Desire Read online

  His Heart's Desire

  By

  Julianna Douglas

  His Heart's Desire

  Copyright © 2014 Julianna Douglas

  All Rights Reserved

  No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

  ISBN: 1499521073

  ISBN-13: 978-1499521078

  To order additional copies, please visit the author's website at http://www.juliannadouglas.com/

  Cover Images by: Romance Novel Covers

  Cover Design by: Jaycee DeLorenzo, Sweet 'n Spicy Designs

  Edited by: Jillian Leigh, First Look for Authors

  ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

  They say it takes a village to raise a child–which is true–but I also say it takes a village to write and publish a book. Therefore, it is with deepest gratitude that I thank the following people for their contributions to this work:

  My GoodReads friend, Blackbook, for giving me the writing prompt that sparked my imagination and started me on this crazy writing journey five and a half years ago.

  Laura Stamps for her advice to this novice writer on how to begin writing a book.

  Nina Benneton for encouraging me to write every day.

  Tami Vinson for encouraging me to join Romance Writers of America (RWA) much sooner than I would have otherwise, because without this wonderful organization, I wouldn't have made it this far.

  The members of the Valley of the Sun RWA for all your advice, support, and encouragement that has kept me going through many frustrations, and for your invaluable educational resources that have helped make me a better, more informed writer.

  My critique partners, Tali Cruz, Karen Fulbright, and Kelly Garcia for all your suggestions that helped make this a much better story than it was in its first incarnation.

  My beta readers, Danielle Hill, Bryan Lane, and Kathy Miles for your feedback on my finished manuscript. Special thanks to Bryan as well for helping me rewrite my first chapter when I was hopelessly lost on how to fix it.

  Jimmy Thomas for being the best cover model a romance writer could ever ask for. Your photos are always stunning, and you're a beautiful person inside and out.

  Jaycee DeLorenzo for the gorgeous book cover and marketing material designs. I'm in awe of your artistic talents.

  My editor, Jillian Leigh, for your gentle guidance in cleaning up my manuscript. Your professionalism and attention to detail is phenomenal. I couldn't have asked for a better person to help me through this phase of publication.

  My family for putting up with me spending an inordinate amount of time inside my own head, playing with my imaginary friends.

  Most of all, I thank God for blessing me with a wild imagination, without which creating stories like this would not be possible, for giving me strength to keep going when I've felt like giving up, and for opening new doors when old ones close. With Your help I can do anything, and nothing is impossible.

  DEDICATION

  This book is dedicated to my wonderful husband of twenty years. You're my lover, my best friend, my webmaster and all-around technical guru, and my biggest writing cheerleader. No matter what hat you're wearing, you're the best. Our road together hasn't always been smooth, but somehow we've managed to navigate the bumps and come out stronger in the end. Thank you for believing in me when I've doubted myself. I love you!

  “What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies.”

  – Aristotle

  Chapter 1

  It was the worst day of Rebecca Anderson's life.

  She sat in the dry shelter of her little Honda Civic, weeping uncontrollably. She doubled over to rest her head on the steering wheel as the painful memories of what had happened that day sliced through her like a knife. Her arms were crossed tightly over her chest, as though protecting that most vulnerable part of herself, while violent sobs wracked her body. Having descended into the depths of despair over an hour ago, she couldn't seem to turn off the anguished voices in her head.

  What was she going to do without her mom? Why did she leave Ethan this afternoon? How could she ever have thought that a guy like Jay would make a good boyfriend? She shouldn't have trusted him for a minute, much less months. She'd been a fool!

  Now she was faced with the harsh truth. Her mother was gone. Her virginity was gone. And her boyfriend had been nothing but an illusion.

  All she had left was her friendship with Ethan, though her stupid choice would probably make her look foolish even to him. She wanted nothing more than to seek the comfort of his arms. But wasn't it the desire for human contact that had gotten her into this mess in the first place? The logical part of her brain reasoned that Ethan could never be as cruel as Jay had been tonight. The mere thought of Jay's betrayal sent her into another round of gut-wrenching sobs, making it impossible for her to contemplate it further.

  Finally, the sorrow subsided enough for her to lift her head. She stared sightlessly into the bleak night. Around midnight, the gray clouds that had blanketed Phoenix all day finally released their burden in a rare torrential downpour. Between the rain cascading over Becca's windshield and the tears obscuring her vision, Ethan's house was nothing more than an indistinct blur despite being only a few yards away. A war of indecision raged in her mind over whether to go to Ethan or go home. As she reached for the ignition, a memory of the last conversation they'd had before parting ways late this afternoon came roaring back to her with vivid clarity.

  Ethan started toward the front door of her apartment, grabbing his suit jacket from the back of the sofa on the way. He reached for the doorknob, but instead of opening it, he turned and covered the distance between them in a two long strides. He grabbed her hands, squeezing them tightly, his green eyes holding hers with a startling intensity. “Promise me something, Becca.”

  She stared back, puzzled by his bizarre behavior. “What, Ethan?”

  He loosened his grip on her hands, but still held her gaze with compelling force. “Promise me that you'll either come to me or call me anytime, day or night, if you need anything. Anything at all.”

  She nodded, feeling moisture in her eyes. “I promise,” she replied softly.

  Ethan leaned over and gave her a quick kiss on her forehead. He then released her hands, opened the door, and stepped out into early evening air thick with the scent of rain.

  Becca couldn't believe she'd forgotten his words. It was almost like he'd had a bad premonition. If only she'd had the same gut feeling, she wouldn't be in this predicament now.

  As she continued to contemplate her situation, the irrational, negative voices in her head warned that she might lose Ethan's friendship for being such an idiot, but she pushed them away. Instead, she replayed their conversation again and again until she finally convinced herself that he was indeed the one person she could trust. Eventually, the need to share her pain won out over her feelings of embarrassment and despondency, compelling Becca to leave the dry confines of her car.

  Since she had no umbrella and no jacket, the huge drops of rain pelted her skin, sending an instant chill through her body. Even with the deluge pouring over her, instantly soaking her clothes and hair, she couldn't seem to make her feet move quickly. They felt like massive weights,
which had to be dragged along one plodding step at a time.

  After what seemed like an eternity, she finally reached Ethan's front porch. Her legs, weak from exhaustion, were no longer able to bear the heaviness of her heart. She leaned against the front door and then promptly slumped to the porch floor in a sodden heap.

  * * * * *

  Ethan Montgomery sat at his desk and grabbed a manila file folder from the stack in the corner filing tray. As he began to peruse the reports, a booming crack of thunder rattled the windows of the house, giving him a start. The thunder was followed by a massive gust of wind that sounded like it might rip the dwelling from its foundation. Minutes later, huge raindrops beat a cacophony on the roof and spattered against the windows so loudly he couldn't concentrate on his work.

  Ethan's gaze was drawn to the inky blackness framed by the office window. The palm trees in his yard bent against the force of the wind while their fronds fluttered wildly. Raindrops slithered down the glass pane. Maybe it was the storm making him uneasy, but the sinking feeling he'd had earlier at Becca's apartment returned in full force.

  His dog seemed out of sorts too. Rather than settling into his usual place on the rug at his master's feet, Buddy stood at the open door of the room, his ears pricked in concentration.

  “Hey, Bud, what's up?” Ethan asked.

  Buddy glanced back over his shoulder briefly, then nervously paced out of the room.

  Ethan listened intently but heard nothing unusual over the din of the rain. Deciding that both he and the dog were simply rattled by the unusual ferocity of the storm, he returned to his paperwork. No sooner had he picked up the folder again than a dull thud came from the front porch, and Buddy began to bark.

  Ethan rushed to the front door and flipped on the porch light. Buddy growled.

  “Buddy, hush!” Ethan commanded.

  The dog finally quieted but remained by his master's side, still alert.

  Ethan peered though one of the small windows framing the door and was shocked to see a woman huddled against it. Mere seconds passed before full recognition dawned on him. With shaking fingers and pounding heart, Ethan worked to turn the locks and quickly flung the door open.

  “Becca!” he exclaimed as he dropped to his knees beside the drenched form of his best friend.

  With the noise of the rain pounding all around them, it took a moment for him to realize that Becca was sobbing uncontrollably. She didn't even seem to be registering his presence.

  Ethan's heart rose in his throat, and his breathing quickened with fear. He grabbed Becca's shoulders and shook her gently. “Becca!” he yelled above the furor of the storm.

  It seemed like hours passed before she finally raised her bowed head and looked at him with overwhelming sorrow.

  His hands immediately framed her oval face as he looked deeply into her blue eyes, trying to fathom what was happening. “What's wrong, Becca?”

  When she simply stared at him without immediately answering, Ethan rephrased the question. “Are you hurt?” By now, his voice was shaking with dread.

  Her arms had been crossed over her middle, but now they came up, wrapping tightly around his neck. Becca buried her face in his shoulder as Ethan cradled her protectively in his arms.

  One of her hands slipped down to rest over her chest. “It hurts in here...” she replied so softly he could barely hear her. “...so bad,” she added in a mere whisper.

  The state his friend was in terrified Ethan. Emotionally, she was a hundred times worse than when he'd left her earlier that afternoon. Physically, she was soaked to the skin, her clothes clinging to her slight frame and her wavy honey-brown hair hanging over her shoulders in sodden strands. Ethan's own shirt and pants had begun to absorb the moisture as he held her. Beginning to feel the chill himself, he knew that Becca had to be freezing.

  “Let's get you inside, by the fire,” he said, his voice gruff with worry.

  Not even waiting for Becca to gain her feet, Ethan swiftly scooped her up in his arms. He kicked the door shut against the cold night air and carried her to a love seat next to the fire crackling in the living room hearth. Buddy followed and lay down on a rug by the fireplace, still watching over the pair with concern. Ethan attempted to lay Becca on the sofa, but she still clung to his neck like a frightened child. Instead, he sat down first and drew her snugly into his lap. Her body curled into him, but in spite of the warmth of the fire, she shivered. Ethan slipped a decorative fleece blanket from the back of the love seat and wrapped it tightly around her shoulders.

  With her safely cocooned in his arms, Ethan rocked her for long minutes until her sobs subsided into hiccups. She didn't seem to be seriously injured as he had initially feared, but he wasn't absolutely certain. Still unsure what to do, Ethan raised his hand to push a strand of wet hair away from her face. His fingertips gently raised her chin so that he could look into her eyes. “Becca, sweetheart, you need to tell me what's wrong. You have me scared to death here. I want to help you, but I don't know what to do if I don't know what's going on.”

  Becca's face scrunched up as though she was about to start crying again. “I'm so stupid,” she said in a pained voice.

  “Shh,” he soothed, his thumb caressing her damp cheek. “Whatever it is, we'll deal with it together, OK?”

  She nodded almost imperceptibly.

  Sighing deeply as he gathered his thoughts, Ethan tried again. “I thought you were going to spend the evening with Jay. Did he say or do something to upset you?”

  Once again, Becca nodded weakly. Her gaze dropped to her lap and she shifted, burying her face in his chest. “Oh God, this is so embarrassing,” she mumbled into his shirt.

  Becca's movement sent her full peasant skirt cascading over Ethan's knees. As he reached to tuck it back into place, his gaze was drawn to a watery pink stain that had previously been concealed within the folds of ivory fabric. After taking a closer look, his heart began to race again.

  “Becca, this looks like blood,” he said shakily, then asked her again, “Are you hurt?”

  Becca shook her head. “Not exactly,” she murmured.

  What was that supposed to mean? “Did Jay or someone else get hurt?”

  She weakly rubbed her head back and forth over his chest.

  Well, if she wasn't hurt and no one else was either, where had the blood come from? Ethan pondered for a moment. Oh, you idiot! No wonder she's so embarrassed, he thought as realization dawned on him. “Ah, is it...ah, that time?” He cleared his throat uncomfortably before adding in a rush, “I don't have any feminine...things...around here, but I could go get some if you need me to.”

  By now Becca's hands had come up to completely cover her face and she was sniffling into his shirt again. She shook her head. “It's not that,” she wailed in frustration. Her voice muffled by her hands, she continued, “It's gone. I just made the biggest mistake of my life.”

  Ethan still had no idea what Becca was talking about, but her cryptic clues and vexed tone made it clear to him that this wasn't easy for her to talk about. He knew enough about the female mind to understand that she was probably hoping he would figure it out so she wouldn't have to say it. Ethan sent up a quick prayer for patience and wisdom.

  Then almost in an instant, all the pieces of the puzzle came together in his mind. He found himself scowling fiercely at the picture they presented.

  Once again, the pace of his heart quickened. Gripping her shoulders, he pulled Becca away from his chest firmly and made her meet his intense gaze. “Did Jay rape you?” he ground out through clenched teeth, “because I swear to God, if he did, I'll–”

  “Ethan, stop!” Becca interrupted. Then, more reluctantly, she continued, “He didn't force me, but...”

  “But what?”

  “Oh God,” she wailed. “He betrayed me. He broke my heart. I know you didn't really like him from the start, and you were right. I never should have trusted him. I know I shouldn't have slept with him, but I was so lonely. It felt good to b
e close to someone. But then he hurt me. I miss my mom so much, Ethan. I wish she was here, so I could talk to her. Oh, what am I saying? If she was here, this probably wouldn't have happened. I just don't know what to do...” Her voice trailed off.

  Tears begin to well in Ethan's eyes at the exhausted, defeated look on Becca's face. He gathered her back into his comforting embrace and murmured against her temple, “I know I'm not your mom, but you can talk to me, Becca. Why don't you start at the beginning and tell me everything that happened?”

  The beginning. It had all started that morning with her mother's funeral. It was a rare overcast day in Phoenix. The ominous dark clouds overhead portended the possibility of rain and cast a gray gloom over the grave site. The weather mirrored Becca's emotions that day. She sat on a chair in the front row next to her mother's casket, flanked by Ethan and her next-door neighbor, Edna Moffat. It was a small service, with only a few other friends of her mother in attendance. No family.

  Becca had asked her boyfriend, Jay, to attend her mom's funeral, but he never showed. She thought they had a close enough relationship that he would want to support her, but she now knew that nothing could have been further from the truth. Instead, it was Ethan who sat by her side, holding her hand, comforting her, while the tears streamed silently down her cheeks. It was Ethan who escorted her home following the service. It was Ethan who kept her company and patiently listened to her troubles.

  Feeling exhausted, Becca laid her head back down on Ethan's shoulder before she spoke. “Thank you again for coming to the funeral this morning.”

  Ethan's cheek pressed against the top of her head and his arms tightened around her. “I told you there was no place else I wanted to be.”

  “It meant a lot to me, having your support,” she replied. “And Edna's too.”

  “Of course. We wanted to be there to support you. We both know how hard it's been on you, losing your mom like that.”