His Heart's Desire Page 4

  Becca had never thought of herself as pretty, but at the moment, she looked like nothing more than a pathetic ugly duckling. How could anyone ever love the unattractive woman who gazed back at her? Jay certainly hadn't. Even her own father and grandmother didn't want her. Only her mother had ever loved her and called her pretty, and now she was gone too, leaving Becca all alone.

  After staring at her image for a few seconds more, she turned away in disgust. Her self-esteem had never been great, but tonight she was painfully aware that it was in utter shambles. Tears welled up again. God, she had to get off this wild emotional roller coaster ride before she truly lost her mind.

  Just then, a new aroma filled her nostrils. Ethan had left the bathroom door open a crack, and the smell of food wafted in. Her stomach let out another unhappy rumble, reminding her of how weak she was from hunger. Still feeling irrationally angry with herself, Becca acknowledged her body's need for sustenance and headed toward the kitchen with the comb clutched in her hand.

  She stopped at the doorway to the breakfast nook, where she watched Ethan place a bowl of something and a spoon on the table.

  As he turned back toward the stove, he looked up and saw her standing there. “Hey, Becca,” he said, greeting her with a smile. He took a step toward her, holding out his hand. “Come sit down. I made you a bite to eat. It's not much, but I think you'll like it.”

  As Becca started to move, her toe caught on the hem of the too-long robe, and she pitched forward.

  Quicker than lightening, Ethan was at her side, his strong arm wrapped around her waist to steady her. “Easy there,” he said softly. When she looked up, he still had that charming lopsided grin on his face. “I guess that robe is a little too big for you, huh?”

  Becca looked back down at the floor, barely registering what he had said. “Yeah,” she replied without mirth. In fact, her voice sounded depressing even to her.

  With his hand still protectively placed at the small of her back, Ethan led her the few steps to the table, pulled out a chair, and seated her like a waiter in a fancy restaurant.

  “I really hoped that hot bath might make you feel a little better,” he said over his shoulder as he went to retrieve a plate and glass from the counter.

  He placed them on the table next to the bowl, and for the first time she realized what he had made for her: tomato soup, a grilled-cheese sandwich and a glass of chocolate milk. They were the three things her mother always made for her when she'd had a particularly rough day, and they had always warmed her heart and soul as well as her body. This time the sight and smell of the food made her break into tears again.

  Immediately, Ethan sat down in the chair next to her and pulled her to his chest. One arm wrapped around her shoulders while his free hand cupped the side of her face gently drawing it down to his shoulder. He lowered his cheek to rest on the top of her head. “Oh, Becca,” he whispered into her hair. “I didn't mean to make you feel worse. I remembered your mom fixing this for us that one day after we worked at the shelter all night, hoping that we could help the vet save that poor abused dog that didn't make it.”

  A small sob escaped her.

  He sighed deeply. “Oh, great. Now I'm really mucking things up by reminding you of more sad memories. I recalled that it seemed to make you feel a little better then, and I thought it might help now. I'm so sorry. I'll take it away and make you something else if it–”

  “No, Ethan,” Becca said as she placed her hand over his and looked up at him through the blurry veil of her tears. “It's OK. It's just me. I can't seem to stop going back and forth between being angry with myself and bursting into tears over the slightest thing.”

  Ethan turned his hand to entwine his long fingers with hers. He brought her hand to his chest as he caressed the back of it with his thumb. “Being on an emotional roller coaster is completely understandable. It's going to take some time to work things out.”

  “I suppose.” She smiled ruefully. “Ethan, you've been so wonderful to me tonight. I don't how I can ever thank you. The food, the bath, it's all wonderful. Truly. I don't want you to think for a minute that I don't appreciate it or that you haven't helped me, because you have. I just can't seem to stop feeling sad...but it has nothing to do with you.”

  Ethan lifted the lapel of the oversized robe to dry the tears from Becca's face. “Don't be too hard on yourself. It hasn't even been a day. And remember, I said I was going to be here for you every step of the way.”

  “Thank you for everything, Ethan.”

  He smiled at her and inclined his head toward the table. “You can thank me by eating your food before it gets cold.”

  She nodded. “OK.”

  Ethan released her. She turned back to the table and sighed before picking up the spoon and tucking into the simple meal he had so lovingly prepared for her.

  Becca was nearly finished with her soup when Ethan reached around her to pick up something from the table. He studied her for a moment with a hint of smile on his face. “Looks like you forgot something,” he teased.

  Becca looked at the big blue comb he held, and instantly, her hands flew to her tangled, still-damp hair. Remembrance of the image in the bathroom mirror of a bird's nest atop a haggard-looking face made her snatch the comb from his hand in embarrassment. “I was just about to do that before I came out here, but the smell of food must have distracted me,” she mumbled into her lap before applying the comb to her hair with violent yanks of frustration.

  “Easy there, Becca.” Ethan's hand stilled hers in mid-pull and took the comb from her. His fingers under her chin gently raised her face to meet his eyes. “I was only kidding, OK? But if you keep that up, you're going to be bald inside of ten minutes. I, for one, think your hair is quite lovely, and I would hate to see it go.”

  “Ethan, how can you say that? It's a mess.”

  “Nothing a little patience and TLC won't cure,” he replied with a gentle tone and one of those charming smiles that never failed to make Becca feel better. “Let me worry about your hair. You finish eating.” He nodded at her nearly empty bowl. “You downed that soup pretty fast.”

  “I haven't eaten anything all day.” She shrugged sheepishly.

  “Would you like some more?”

  “Yeah, I guess I am still a little hungry.”

  Ethan grinned. “Well, we can't have that.”

  After returning from the stove with her soup bowl refilled, he set himself to the task of removing the snarls from her thick tresses. His tender hands working slowly through each knot had a near-magical, calming effect on her, lulling her into a state of near bliss. Again she was reminded of the great comfort it had been to have her mother brush her hair. But instead of feeling sad this time, Becca realized that there was another person who could provide solace. For the first time since her mother had passed three days ago, she felt blessed and sent up a silent prayer of thanks for her wonderful friend.

  Ethan had removed all the tangles from Becca's hair several minutes ago, but he continued to pull the comb through it with gentle strokes. Her closed eyes and peaceful expression seemed to indicate she was enjoying it very much. If he was honest with himself, he'd have to admit that he was enjoying it too. Perhaps a little too much. The silky sensation of her honey-brown locks cascading over his fingertips with each stroke was teasing a path straight to his groin. With a small sigh of reluctance, he allowed himself one last touch before finally pulling away from her tempting tresses.

  “Mmm.” Becca's throaty murmur only added fuel to his growing desire. “That felt so good.”

  The predictably male part of his brain suddenly decided to translate those words into a different context. In an attempt to distract himself, Ethan put aside the comb and set about clearing the table.

  Becca turned in her chair to follow him with her gaze to the kitchen sink. “Thank you, Ethan. Brushing my hair was another thing my mom used to do when I was feeling down.”

  “You're welcome,” Ethan replied as he rin
sed the dishes and loaded them into the dishwasher. “I hope it didn't make you feel sad, like the soup did.”

  “No, oddly enough, it didn't. I think I finally realized that I still have you in my life, and you always seem to know how to make me feel better, just like she did.”

  Ethan closed the dishwasher and dried his hands on a kitchen towel as he thought of how he wanted to be there for her, making her feel better, for a long time to come. “I'm glad I could help.”

  Becca glanced at the clock on the wall which now read two a.m. “Wow, it's really late. I should probably get dressed and head home. Where are my clothes?”

  “Hold on there a minute. You're not going anywhere, Becca,” Ethan said sternly, ignoring her question.

  “But–”

  “No buts. You are not going out there in this weather. The rain may have let up, but that was one hell of a spring storm. It's bound to have caused some street flooding. I'd be the worst kind of friend if I allowed you to leave in the middle of the night when there are dangerous road conditions. Not to mention I really don't think you should be alone right now,” he added a bit more gently. “You're spending the night here, and that's final.”

  “I thought you weren't finished painting your guest room yet. I don't want to put you out.”

  “It's not a big deal. You can have my bedroom, and I'll sleep out here on the couch.”

  “But you've already done so much for me already. I don't want you to give up your bed too,” Becca insisted. “Let me sleep on the–”

  Ethan covered the distance between them in two steps and placed a finger to Becca's lips. “I am not going to let you sleep on the couch after everything you've been through today. You need a good night's rest, and I'm going to make sure you get it. Now would you please let me take care of you like I promised?”

  “OK,” she mumbled against his fingertip, a slight smile playing at the corners of her delicate mouth. The light vibration and silky softness of her lips against the sensitive nerves of Ethan's finger sent a frisson of sensation through his entire body.

  “Let's get you to bed then.”

  The moment the words fell from his tongue, he became uncomfortably aware of the double entendre he'd uttered. Once again, finding himself in need of a quick distraction, Ethan reached for Becca's hand and helped her up from her chair. Just as she was about to trip over the robe again, he halted her movement and, with a gallant bow, reached down to scoop up the portion of the garment that was dragging on the floor. “Your train, m'lady,” he said with a mischievous grin as he draped the fabric over her outstretched arm.

  Becca rewarded him with the biggest smile he'd seen from her in days, and it utterly warmed his heart. “Ethan, you are so goofy sometimes.”

  “Yeah, but it's one of the reasons you like me so much. Admit it.” He grinned from ear to ear.

  Becca nodded. “But of course, m'lord.” She made a mock curtsy of her own.

  They both shared a playful laugh as Ethan placed his hand on the small of Becca's back and guided her down the hallway to his bedroom, with Buddy eagerly trailing along behind them. Once there, Ethan helped Becca out of his robe and tossed it across the foot of the bed. Pulling the covers back, he lifted them, motioning with his hand for her to climb in.

  Placing one knee on the mattress, then the other, she proceeded to crawl on all fours to the center of the big bed. Ethan knew that his sweet, innocent Becca was unaware of the seductive pose she presented to him. Having taken all her clothes to be washed earlier, he was also painfully aware that she wore no panties beneath the t-shirt he'd loaned her. Hell, the mere thought of her shapely little body ensconced in nothing but his shirt was almost more than he could bear.

  “Ethan?” Becca's voice broke though his reverie. Somewhere in the midst of his naughty daydream, she had lain down on her side and was now looking at him with a puzzled expression as if he'd lost his mind.

  Actually, he thought, she wasn't too far off the mark. He was still standing there holding the duvet like an idiot. Quickly, he pulled it up to her chin and tucked it around her in an attempt to conceal all the tempting parts he shouldn't be thinking about.

  He cleared his throat uncomfortably and turned away from the bed. “I'll, ah, put another log on the fire, um, get a pillow and blanket from the closet, and then leave you to get some sleep.” He could barely articulate the words.

  Becca lay so quietly while he tended the fire, Ethan thought she had already fallen asleep. Knowing that would probably be the best thing for both of them, he slowly rose from his crouched position by the hearth and was about to head for the closet when her small voice reached him from the bed. “Thanks for insisting that I stay, Ethan. I'm a little scared to be alone right now.”

  “That's understandable,” he replied softly.

  “I hate to ask for anything else...but would you sit beside me until I go to sleep?” Becca asked.

  Ethan knew that wouldn't be a good idea, but it only took one look at all the emotions playing across her face to realize that he couldn't deny her anything right now. “Sure.”

  He walked tentatively to the bed and sat down on the edge as far away from her as possible. After propping a couple of pillows against the headboard, he leaned back and stretched out his long legs, crossing his bare feet at the ankles.

  Even without looking at Becca, Ethan could sense her reaching across the expanse. He almost flinched from the heat of the contact with her hand as she hesitantly pulled his from his lap.

  “Could you talk to me for a while?” she asked sadly.

  Ethan closed his eyes for a minute and felt a well of emotion bubbling up within him. It was no longer the flaming lust that he'd experienced moments before, but a gentler, deeper sensation. Love. He wasn't quite sure how he knew, but in that moment, he was certain beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was never going to let this woman beside him go. Someway, somehow, he was going to help her heal and make her his forever. A certain peace washed over him, born of the knowledge that his love for her would sustain him and keep his errant body in check while he waited for Becca to be ready for something more.

  He threaded his fingers with hers, finally welcoming her touch. “What do you want to talk about?” he asked as he turned to look into her beautiful blue eyes.

  “Tell me what you were thinking about when you were helping me into bed. You looked like you were a million miles away,” she suggested with a yawn.

  Ethan chuckled. “Um, it was nothing. Just a business deal I'm working on for the company.”

  He hated lying to her, but telling her the truth about what he had really been thinking was not going to happen.

  “Tell me about that then.”

  “OK,” Ethan drawled out with skepticism. “It might put you to sleep,” he added with a grin.

  “Isn't that the point?”

  “Yeah.” He laughed again and proceeded to tell her all about his latest project at work.

  Ten minutes later, a soft snore made him smile. When he glanced over at Becca's sleeping form, he was stunned once again by how angelic she looked. Hers was a face he would never grow tired of seeing. He was surprised by the thought that her face was the last thing he wanted to see every night before falling asleep and the only thing he wanted to wake up to every morning.

  He had no idea how he was going to maintain a friends-only relationship with this beautiful woman he had grown to love more than anything in the world, when all he wanted to do was draw her into his arms and make sweet, passionate love to her all night long.

  With that thought, Ethan knew he needed to put some distance between himself and Becca before he woke her up and did exactly that. He carefully released Becca's hand and slid off the bed slowly, so as not to wake her. He padded to the bay window and sat on the window seat. Placing his feet on the cushion, knees bent, he rested his back against the wall with a heavy sigh. His warm breath momentarily fogged the cool panes of glass. His forearm draped over his knee, he leaned forward to stare up
at the vastness of the heavens and watch the clouds lazily traversing the expanse.

  The pounding rain had stopped nearly an hour ago, and an almost full moon could be seen as a nebulous glow behind its foggy shroud. Every once in a while, a bright star would peek through the haze. Ethan wished that he could see more of the tiny dots of light in the sky. Their cheerful twinkling never failed to lift his spirits. Even though they were almost entirely obscured tonight, their occasional sightings in between the clouds still helped to soothe his troubled mind. When contemplating the enormity of the universe, somehow his problems always seemed smaller.

  For a long time he sat there, taking it all in, until his attention was drawn across the room by Buddy, who made a few restless circles before settling down on his bed near the fireplace. Resting his head on his front paws, Buddy promptly fell asleep.

  A slight rustling from the bed brought Ethan's watchful eye back to Becca. She had rolled onto her back, but the steady rise and fall of her chest indicated she was still sound asleep. Ethan's heart warmed as he glanced back and forth between her and Buddy. Finally his gaze settled on the crackling flames of the fire as he remembered his introduction to his two best friends–one of the furry variety and the other, thankfully, not.

  It had happened more than two years ago. At the time, Becca was only twenty-two and still in college working toward her pre-vet degree. At twenty-eight, upon his father's retirement from the family-owned company, Ethan had taken over as the CEO of Pet Emporium, a very successful chain of pet-supply stores. Giving back to the community had been extremely important to him since his teen years, so he always made time in his busy schedule to work at the local animal shelter a couple of weekends each month. He'd met Becca while both of them were volunteering there.

  A smile curved Ethan's lips at the memory of their first encounter.

  He'd walked in on Becca wrestling with a enormous scruffy dog that looked like a cross between a golden retriever and a St. Bernard. The silly creature obviously wanted to do anything but take a bath. He ran in circles around the big metal tub full of soapy water before coming to a screeching halt in front of Becca. Without warning, he jumped up, placing his huge paws on Becca's chest. Unprepared for the extra weight of the giant beast, Becca lost her balance, toppling backward right into the tub. The dog, seemingly pleased that he was no longer the one in the tub, sat back on his haunches and quirked his head to one side as if perusing his handiwork.