His Heart's Desire Page 2

  Becca knew he didn't mean for them to, but Ethan's words brought a fresh wave of sadness as she was reminded again of her wonderful, loving mother. Caroline Anderson was the only family Becca had ever known. Caroline was an only child, and her father had died when she was young. When Caroline discovered she was pregnant out of wedlock at the tender age of nineteen, she was all but disowned by her conservative mother. Then the man she loved walked out on her, unable to handle the prospect of a child. Caroline had never even considered abortion, and so, without the love and support of family to sustain her, she struck out bravely on her own to have her baby.

  That had been twenty-four years ago, and throughout all that time, Becca thought her mom was the most amazing woman in the world. Caroline worked hard to provide a roof over their heads and food to eat. Even when she returned home exhausted from long days on her feet as a hairdresser, she always found time to read Becca a bedtime story before tucking her in for the night. As Becca grew older, her mom became her best friend. Together, they were an inseparable team until the breast cancer robbed her mom of life far too young. It was a particularly aggressive form of the disease, and by the time Caroline had been diagnosed, it was already too late.

  Becca had just completed her pre-vet degree and had been accepted to vet school, but when the doctors told Caroline she had mere months to live, Becca didn't hesitate to set her dream of becoming a veterinarian aside. She wanted to be with her mom as much as possible. She still worked her job as a waitress to pay the bills, but spent her evenings and days off with Caroline, trying to make her final days as bright as she had made Becca's life.

  Tears welled up again. “I miss her so much, Ethan.”

  Ethan stroked her arm through the thick blanket and rocked her gently. “Shh... I know.”

  “I don't know what I'm going to do without her. She always seemed to have the right advice when I needed it.”

  “Like I said before, I know I'm not your mom, but I want to help. I can't do that, though, unless you tell me what's going on.”

  She sniffled into the front of Ethan's shirt. “I know. It's just so hard.”

  His hand smoothed the damp strands of hair away from her face and continued stroking tenderly. “Jay hurt you pretty badly. That much is obvious.”

  She responded with only a nod.

  Jay Cavanaugh. Becca never wanted to hear that name again as long as she lived. How she'd ever allowed herself to get sucked in by his act, she would never know. She'd met the guy a few months back when a college friend invited her to a party. Not being much of a social butterfly and wanting to spend all her free time with her mom, Becca politely declined, but when Caroline found out, she insisted that Becca get away from all the stress and have a little fun for a change.

  Jay was a handsome athlete, and all the ladies in attendance seemed to be vying for his attentions. Becca also found him attractive, but never thought that a guy like him would ever take an interest in an ordinary, shy girl like her. Consequently, she was baffled and wary when Jay approached her. Before the night was through, his charming personality had won her over, and he had convinced her to start dating him. Becca would go to his place for a movie occasionally when her busy schedule would allow. From all appearances, Jay seemed like a nice guy. His only flaw had been his penchant for pressuring her to have sex with him right from the start.

  Becca knew it was a rather antiquated, romantic notion, but she really wanted to be in love before making love. The few guys she had gone out with from time to time had never tempted her to give up her virginity, and when Jay had first started trying to seduce her, she had patiently explained her feelings on the subject to him. He backed off briefly, but before long, he was at it again. Becca couldn't deny that his kisses always made her feel good. It had become harder and harder to resist his advances, especially when she was feeling depressed over her mom's illness. Unfortunately, today, that one weakness had been her undoing.

  Becca shook her head at her own foolishness. “I can't believe I trusted him. That crazy story about a broken-down car and a dead cell phone making him miss the funeral. God! How could I have been so stupid?”

  “Hey, don't be so hard on yourself,” Ethan gently admonished.

  “No...no, I know you never liked him. I should have paid more attention to your suspicions. If I had, maybe I wouldn't be in this mess now.”

  A sense of guilt assailed Ethan. At the time, he'd thought that Jay would probably tire of Becca in pretty short order when he realized she wasn't going to put out for him. Now he wished he had done more to dissuade her from seeing the guy. She was right about one thing: he had never been able to warm up to Jay Cavanaugh. Call it a gut feeling, but he'd known something was off about the guy. He had always thought Jay was a little too slick for his own good–or more likely, the good of the women around him.

  Earlier that afternoon, while Becca was on the phone with Jay, Ethan had been overcome with mindless jealousy and a fervent protective instinct. When Becca had related Jay's sob-story to him, his instincts told him the guy couldn't be trusted. A prickle ran up his spine, making the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. That was what had made him elicit a promise from Becca to come to him if she needed help.

  Becca had always been soft-hearted, and her care and concern for others was one of the things he loved about her. The thought that she could show such kindness toward Jay in the midst of her grief, when it should have been the other way around, made Ethan's blood boil. In his mind, the death of a beloved mother trumped car trouble any day. Ethan didn't care what kind of difficulties Jay was experiencing, he should have called sooner. And what was the deal with Jay expecting Becca to drive over to his place after everything she'd been through? The whole scenario demonstrated to Ethan that the guy didn't have a clue, and it made him want to go plant his fist in Jay's face.

  Now that he had the proof Jay was no good, Ethan somehow felt responsible for Becca's state. With her mom gone, she was incredibly vulnerable. He had tried to take care of her the best he could all day, but with the woman he loved curled up in his lap, her heart broken in pieces, he couldn't help feeling like he should have done more.

  Ethan hugged Becca tightly to his chest and murmured against her hair, “I never should have left you this afternoon.”

  Becca immediately pulled back and lifted her head, looking him in the eye with a confused expression. “What are you talking about? None of this is your fault.”

  “Becca, I knew that guy was bad news. I should have tried harder to convince you of that.”

  Becca bowed her head to stare at her lap. “There's no guarantee I would have listened to you.” Her shoulders lifted in a small shrug. “Although now I wish I had.”

  Ethan lifted her chin with the crook of his forefinger. “So are you going to tell me what happened between you and Jay that has you so upset?”

  Becca found herself unable to hold Ethan's gaze. She toyed nervously with the fringe of the blanket as earlier doubts overtook her again. What if, after hearing the whole story, Ethan thought she was as stupid as she felt? After all, it hadn't been her brightest moment. The entire incident had been so unpleasant she didn't really even want to think about it.

  “Take your time,” Ethan calmly reassured her. “Why don't you start by telling me what happened when you got to Jay's place?”

  After taking a few minutes to bring her emotions under control and gather her thoughts, she tentatively began. “When I got to Jay's apartment, he offered me a drink. He said it might help me to relax. Since it had been a rough day already, I figured he was right, so I had a couple glasses of wine. He tried to give me more, but I said no. You know me.” She smiled ruefully. “I'm a major lightweight when it comes to alcohol, and I was already feeling a little fuzzy.”

  Becca paused to take a deep shuddering breath, and Ethan gently squeezed her shoulder, encouraging her to continue.

  “He put his arm around me and started kissing me like he's done lots of times. Except b
efore, if things got a little too heated, I would tell him to stop. This time, when he kept trying to go further, I couldn't seem to say no. Maybe it was the wine, maybe it was the grief and loneliness, but having someone hold me and touch me like that was what I thought I needed. Before I knew what was happening, I was lying on the couch and we were going way further than we ever had in the past.”

  As she spoke, Ethan tenderly rubbed circles on Becca's back, and she was starting to relax a little.

  “It was probably a combination of both,” he mused softly. “The wine relaxed you enough to make you let your guard down a little, and it's only normal for a person who's lost someone close to seek comfort.”

  “You're so understanding, Ethan.”

  “I'm not really doing anything special, just trying to listen.” He paused for a moment then continued, “I have a feeling you haven't told me everything, though.”

  Ethan was right. She hadn't even begun to scratch the surface. Without warning, the memory of what happened after that began to replay in her mind.

  When Jay realized she wasn't going to stop him, any semblance of a seduction flew out the window. He seemed to turn into an animal right before her eyes. He pressed her back into the couch cushions and crushed his mouth to hers until his teeth clashed painfully against her own. He raised himself long enough to strip off his t-shirt, then frantically tugged at the buttons on her blouse until a couple of them popped loose, pinging on the coffee table before falling to the carpet. He made quick work of the front clasp of her bra. Then his hands groped and squeezed her breasts while he brought his mouth down to hers again, plunging his tongue inside and biting at her lips until she was sure she tasted blood.

  “Jay, please, can't we slow down a little?” she asked when he briefly released her lips. “You're kind of hurting me.”

  “Oh, baby, I can't slow down. You made me wait too long. Now I'm wild for you,” he answered unsympathetically.

  “But–”

  Her protest was cut short when he unceremoniously flipped up her skirt and pulled her panties down to her ankles. He reached between their bodies to unfasten his pants and shoved them down his hips. Everything moved so fast, she didn't have time to think before he pushed her thighs apart and entered her in one violent thrust. She cried out in pain at the invasion, but he seemed oblivious to her discomfort. He mindlessly pumped in and out while tears rolled down her cheeks. Finally, he came with a shout and collapsed on top of her, making it difficult for Becca to breathe. Moments later he abruptly withdrew, leaving her whimpering in pain again.

  “What are you crying for?” he asked as he sat up and reached for his shirt.

  “You hurt me,” she replied.

  “You were a virgin, weren't you? It's supposed to hurt the first time.”

  She lay there in utter disbelief at his callousness as he got up and headed for the bathroom without a backward glance. She knew what he said was true on some level, but she didn't think it was supposed to hurt like that. Many times Becca had imagined what making love to a man would be like, and it certainly wasn't what she'd just experienced. She'd always fantasized that her first time would be with someone who would handle her body with loving care and make it as good for her as possible. Jay hadn't even pretended to care. He'd taken his own pleasure and left her on the sofa half naked, feeling a vague sense of violation, and wondering what to do next.

  She sat up, wincing at the soreness, and tried to set her clothes to rights while tears filled her eyes again. Becca had foolishly thought that being with Jay would alleviate her grief and loneliness, but if anything, she felt more desolate and empty than before. And as if that degradation wasn't enough, the real humiliation started when Jay's cell phone, which he'd carelessly left on the coffee table, beeped moments later, indicating an incoming text message.

  Becca was drawn back to the present when Ethan cupped her face and softly brushed the tears from her cheeks. Until that moment, she hadn't realized she was crying again.

  “Hey, you know you can trust me, right?”

  In that moment, Becca instinctively knew that she could, that he wouldn't judge her for her moment of weakness. Still, the whole situation was rather embarrassing, and the idea of talking to a guy about it, even if that guy was her best friend, felt pretty daunting.

  She nodded and swallowed hard, trying to calm the butterflies that fluttered in her stomach. She pulled the blanket tighter and snuggled into Ethan's shoulder, taking a few minutes to bring her emotions under control and gather her thoughts. She stared into the fire, allowing herself to be transported momentarily back to a time when she had hopes and dreams–hopes that were now a thing of the past after one innocent mistake.

  “You know, I always wondered what my first time would be like, but I never in a million years thought it would be like it was tonight. I always dreamed it would be gentle and sweet, full of love and passion. I mean, I knew it was supposed to hurt and all, but I guess I thought the guy would take his time and try to make it hurt less, like in the romance novels.” Tears stung her eyes again. “Really stupid, huh?”

  “No, Becca. There's nothing wrong with wanting your first time to be magical,” Ethan replied as he continued stroking her back. “So making love wasn't all it was cracked up to be,” he stated more than asked.

  “I wouldn't call it making love. Jay didn't act loving at all. When I say it hurt, I mean it really hurt. I started crying, and Jay didn't even seem to notice. He acted really impatient. I know he said some things to me, but I can't even remember what now. I couldn't even think because of the pain.” Becca sighed. “I guess I expected too much.”

  A single tear rolled down Becca's cheek. Ethan brushed it away with his thumb. His other hand, which had been caressing her back, fisted in anger, and the muscles in his jaw began to twitch. If he had been the one introducing Becca to the joys of sex, he would have made damn sure she found her pleasure first, and he would have done everything in his power to minimize her discomfort. Trying to tamp down his fury to steady his voice, Ethan said, “I don't think you were expecting too much. It sounds to me like Jay was being a jerk.”

  “Yeah, well, that wasn't even the worst of it.”

  There was more? Ethan wasn't even sure he wanted to know what else the bastard had done to his sweet Becca, but he ignored the sick feeling in his gut and pressed on. “What else happened?”

  “Um, after he finished, he got up and went to take a shower. That was it. He just left the room like nothing ever happened, without another word.”

  “Any guy who doesn't at least show a little appreciation to the girl who's given him the gift of her virginity is the biggest idiot on the planet,” Ethan bit out. “Then again, I think we've already established his lack of brain cells,” he added.

  “I still haven't gotten to the worst part yet.”

  By now, Ethan was scowling so hard, he could feel the blood beginning to pound behind his temples. He was glad that Becca was still tucked under his chin and couldn't see the fierce expression on his face. “Go on,” he said tightly.

  “While he was in the shower, I didn't really know what to do. I didn't know if he wanted me to stay or go or what. I was trying to figure out what one does in that sort of situation when his phone beeped. I thought maybe it was something important, so I picked it up. It was a text message from a woman saying how she'd had a good time this afternoon, and wanting to know when Jay was coming back to join her in bed again.”

  Ethan had sensed all along that the jerk was not a one-woman kind of guy. “What did you do?” he asked.

  “I know I probably shouldn't have, but I looked through his texts. He'd been sexting with her for weeks, and she'd even sent him naked pictures of herself. God, I can't believe I got taken in by that slimeball!”

  “I'm sure a lot of women have been, Becca.” Ethan sighed deeply as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

  “That still isn't everything. You know how I always wondered why Jay would date me when he could hav
e lots of prettier, more experienced women?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Well, I found out why. When I was looking through that woman's messages, the phone beeped again. This time it was a text message from one of Jay's friends, asking if Jay had...” Becca choked on the words almost as though she was unable to repeat them. She took a deep breath and finally finished in an embarrassed whisper, “...if he had fucked me yet.” Becca's bottom lip quivered and she worried it between her teeth as though trying to keep herself from crying again. “This guy was bragging that he'd bagged his third virgin and was going to win the bet. I went through their messages and found out they had some kind of wager going as to who could seduce the most virgins into giving it up by the end of the year. So I lost my virginity because of some stupid frat-boy bet that Jay's probably going to win now,” she ground out through clenched teeth.

  Ethan had a sudden urge to beat the bastard to a pulp. If only he were there right now.

  Becca continued her story, interrupting his moment of fury. “After I found out all those things, I was going to leave quietly, but right then, Jay came out of the bathroom. I don't know where I got the courage to do it, but I confronted him about the other woman and the bet.”

  “What did he say?” Ethan inquired.

  “Surprisingly, he didn't try to deny it. In fact, he admitted everything, including the fact that he never really cared about me or my mom. He just thought it would be easier to get me into bed because of the stuff I was going through. And, sadly, he was right.”

  Ethan pulled Becca to a sitting position, took her face firmly in his hands, and gazed into her eyes intensely. “Don't you dare blame yourself for this, Becca. What I'm thinking about that guy right now, I can't even say in front of a lady. He took advantage of you in the worst possible way, and if there were a way to put him in jail for it, I'd have the police on his doorstep in a heartbeat. As it is, I want to pound the crap out of him for what he did to you–and probably a dozen other women.” Ethan's hands slid down to rub her shoulders. His head dropped down as he tried to calm himself with slow deep breaths.